HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
