I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
