just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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