i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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