we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
