at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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