First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
