if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
