I wish I could teleport
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My bed smells like the plague
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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