I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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