I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who died my cat blue again?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
