The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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