Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
