i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
