I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
