i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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