It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
