Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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