What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
