It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
