i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize