I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
