Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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