Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
