hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
