there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize