we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
