I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
