i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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