Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
