I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
