We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
