So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
