i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
