I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
