I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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