can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
