thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
