my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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