Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
