Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
