Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
