I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
