I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
