I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
