I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
