I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
