Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
