ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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