they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
