She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Randomize
