I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
please come you make the beer taste better
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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