I just threw up on my dentist
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
