Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
