Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
