well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
