My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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