I think my vagina is haunted
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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