Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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