So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
