Me. At least after what I've been through.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
