I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
